Why I Am My Fraternity's Adult Alumni Adviser

Written in December 1996.

I am the adult alumni adviser of my fraternity, Eta Chapter of Alpha Sigma Phi Fraternity at the University of Illinois. I have been the adviser for about 15 years. I was barely older than my younger brothers when I accepted this volunteer position. Now I am nearly old enough to be the father of my youngest brothers. Being their adviser brings with it a neat feeling that I would not trade for anything in the world. I have a title, Grand Chapter Adviser, which is just the Alpha Sig way of saying adult alumni adviser.

The Daily Illini recently ran a series of letters and columns on the Greek system, some favorable, some not. This same debate pops up in The Daily Illini every few years. It appears that some students currently find it fashionable to criticize fraternities. It is also currently popular in some academic and administrative circles to criticize fraternities, to point out their problems, as in the article "The Questionable Value Of Fraternities" by George D. Kuh, Ernest T. Pascarella, and Henry Wechsler in the April 19, 1996, edition of The Chronicle of Higher Education.

Fraternities do, indeed, have problems. This article suggests that fraternity men are more likely to abuse alcohol, to exhibit stunted critical thinking skills, and to be exposed to a more homogeneous segment of the student population than students who live in dormitories. (No mention was made in this article, I note, of students who live in private apartments or homes.) Moreover, men in fraternities are more likely to be the instigators or objects of hazing and are more likely to be abusive of women in personal relationships, or so this article suggests.

I can readily understand why people are concerned about these and other problems in fraternities. While the article does not state that only fraternity men have these problems, and certainly other young people can and do exhibit these problematic behaviors, too, the article does suggest that these problems occur more frequently or at least more noticeably when they occur in a fraternity. I would agree, but I would first point out that not all fraternity men exhibit these behaviors, that these problems do not occur at all fraternities, and that it is illogical to identify all the members of a group as having the same characteristics as some members of that group.

Moreover, these problems that occur in fraternities are not insurmountable. There is a simple, well-known way to help mitigate or avoid those problems: require every fraternity to have a reasonable, responsible, visible, available adult adviser who spends time at the chapter house frequently and regularly. No mention was made in this article, I note, of the effects that a strong adult alumni adviser can have on a fraternity and on fraternity men. I strongly suspect that fraternities who do have such an adult alumni adviser have far fewer instances of these problems than do fraternities filled with fraternity men left on their own.

If a group of college age people is left to its own devices, the usual problems that most young people have and especially the problems that young people have and the temptations to which they succumb when they live together in a fraternity will probably always be more pronounced than they would be if those same young people had some responsible adult guidance, or so I believe. I do not want that to happen to my younger brothers, and so I spend 20 to 30 hours per week at the Eta Chapter house, including one or two times each week that I sleep over and spend the night there, fulfilling my obligation as Grand Chapter Adviser.

It may sound simplistic, but I know that just by being there, I change the atmosphere. Just by providing an adult presence, I make a difference. I do not have to be a dictator, telling my younger brothers what they must do or what they must not do, with very rare exceptions when someone is about to do something so boneheaded that it would hurt someone or something. (Even a loving parent has to say, "Hey! Don't touch that hot stove!" to a beloved child from time to time.)

Indeed, I refuse to be a dictator, just as I refuse to be a spy for our national fraternity office or for the local University administration; I am not there to find out how many "rules" my brothers might break. Rather as my title suggests, I advise. So when the topic of pledge education comes up, for example, and someone suggests something that sounds even remotely like hazing, I am there and can offer my opinions on what are reasonable and what are not reasonable things to expect pledges to do. If I have done my job well, if I have earned credibility and respect, then my opinions are heard. The result is that Alpha Sigma Phi not only says that it is a non-hazing fraternity, but I can make sure that "No hazing!" is the case in fact at Eta Chapter.

But I think that I need to be more than just an adviser, and so I try to be a role model, too. If I treat women with love and respect, if I treat my brothers with love and respect and demand that they treat each other the same way, if I treat pledges with love and respect and refuse to allow any hazing of any kind, if I treat all people with love and respect, people of all cultures, all colors, all religions, all sexual orientations with respect, if I do not abuse alcohol, if I approach problems and disputes with reason and logic as well as with a loving heart and an open mind, that is, if I am an adult, then I hope that my advice helps them decide wisely what they want to do, how they want to act. All I have to do is be there to change the equation. Just having an adult there makes things different. So far, my methodology has worked reasonably well for me. Even though I make mistakes, I think that it is better for me to be there to help than for my younger brothers to have no help at all.

But based upon what I observe of the actions of other fraternities and fraternity men, I strongly suspect that many do not have real advisers. Some fraternity men could not act as unwisely as they do if they had real advisers. Oh, it is true that every fraternity on the campus of the University of Illinois has an adviser on paper. But when the deans of Greek affairs call a meeting of advisers, it is the same 8 or 10 people out of a possible 80 or so who show up, time and time again. Where are the other adult advisers?

I will not condemn fraternities for their faults or suggest that they be abolished. Rather, I challenge other alumni to become involved with their fraternities. It will probably always be true that a large group of college age people living together will have problems. (Indeed, students who live in dorms have problems, too, and I hear no one calling for abolishing dorms.) But we adult alumni can help mitigate or avoid those problems in fraternities. If fraternities have problems, let's work to abolish the problems with careful adult guidance and advice. Let's not work to abolish fraternities. Abolishing fraternities is not going to eliminate the problems that administrators complain about. It might move the problems and the behaviors and attitudes that cause them so that they are more noticeable in another location on college campuses, but it is not going to eliminate them. These are problems that young people have in general, not problems limited to fraternities and fraternity men.

In fact, abolishing fraternities might eliminate one of best ways to combat the problems that undergraduates have because abolishing fraternities would eliminate one of the greatest resources, one of the greatest learning experiences, one of the greatest shapers of positive attitudes and gentlemanly behavior that young people can have. For in spite of their problems, fraternities satisfy a basic human need: brotherhood. And it is my belief that young people have a great opportunity to learn how to deal with other people, to learn how to be a better person themselves, to learn how to be a better citizen of the world within the bonds of a community of a brotherhood guided by older brothers. If I did not believe this, then I would not still be involved with my fraternity at my age (42).

Just as we do not leave children to grow up alone, without the role modeling and guidance and love and care and instruction of parents and other adults, we must not leave fraternity men alone. And that's the key—young men can learn to be better young men within the bonds of a community of brotherhood guided by older brothers. The potential for good is there if we work at it. If I believed that fraternities do not have the potential to be beneficial, to do some good, then I, too, might call call for their elimination. But I do not believe that, for the value of brotherhood and the desire to help my younger brothers are too great for me.

Brotherhood and sisterhood are a universal need. Even God says so in Psalm 133, "How good and pleasant it is when sisters and brothers live together in peace." It is as if God is suggesting that universal sisterhood andbrotherhood is not only the best way to live but is also a prerequisite to peace. And there are similar ideas elsewhere in the Bible, both the Old and the New Testaments, as well as in the Koran, the teachings of the Buddha, the precepts of Hindu, the wisdom of Confucius, the pantheism of Babism, and other philosophies as well. God, being God, speaks in many ways in many languages. But in all of these ways, in all of these languages, God speaks highly of sisterhood and brotherhood.

To create and perpetuate brotherhood were the reasons that fraternities started at colleges and universities in the first place in the 18th and 19th centuries. There is a great deal that is ennobling that young people living together in a spirit of brotherhood or sisterhood on a college campus can learn and share. I suspect that all fraternity initiations include a dedication to brotherhood and probably many other noble things that can be shared or learned in an environment of brotherhood. So rather than call for abolishing fraternities, let us call instead on fraternity men to live up to the promises they made when they initiated.

And let us make this call to all fraternity men, both undergraduate members and alumni. When I joined Alpha Sigma Phi, I promised to be a brother for life, and that is what I intend to be, helping my younger brothers with what I hope is sound, responsible, reasonable advice. Sometimes a young person will ask an older brother for help directly by saying, "Brother, I need your help. Will you please help me?" Other times a young person will ask for help by behaving in a most unbrotherly way, a most ungentlemanly way, a way most unlike the honorable and noble way that he promised to act when he initiated into the fraternity. I hear both requests for help, and as a brother, I cannot ignore either of them.

No man has ever had a better family than I have had with my Alpha Sig brothers. Nothing else could have substituted for that experience, that feeling, that fulfillment that I have received and continue to receive from my fraternity. My fraternity redeemed my life by making my life complete, and so I feel responsible for helping my family, for helping my fraternity, for helping my younger brothers find the redemption and fulfillment through brotherhood that will complete their lives. In a very real sense for me, fraternities with all their faults are still better than no fraternities, and I suspect that we can, with work, improve fraternities to mitigate, eliminate, or avoid the problems that others decry. And so I will continue to be an active alumni adviser, spending as much time as I can at the chapter house, spending as much time as I can with my younger brothers, helping them to be better brothers and better young men, because that is what fraternity means to me.

If there are some bad boys amongst good fraternity men, bad boys whose only aim in joining a fraternity is to have a place to drink too much, sleep too much, and study too little, to have a place to perform acts of unspeakable vulgarity, disgracefulness, and criminality where they expect to hide behind a phalanx of brothers whom they expect will protect them with silence, move them out. Get these boys out of your fraternity. They are not men. They do not understand brotherhood. They do not understand manhood. They do not deserve to be called “brother” by any fraternity man or recognized as Greek by anyone. If there are some bad chapters, close them down and recolonize them with men who already know or want to learn what it means to be a gentleman, a scholar, and a brother.

Leave fraternities alone, leave them to their own devices without adult guidance, and they will surely fail. But pass on your wisdom in the form of careful adult guidance and role modeling, my friends, work actively at creating and perpetuating brotherhood, and you will help the noble promises of brotherhood to be fulfilled.

Everything that I said about fraternities is just as true for sororities. Sororities may also have problems, but sororities can be positive influences on young women, too, with careful adult wisdom and guidance. Imagine a world with better young men and better young women. Imagine a world of people who see each other as sisters and brothers. Imagine a better world. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.